8 Week Challenge, #6 : Honor your work

Good things about this week:

• Did CrossFit every day since 10/7, in preparation for upcoming vacay.  Highlights include: bench pressed 75lbs 12 times, began attempting handstand pushups…notice I said ATTEMPT…, worked on my pullups, and did an agonizing amount of planks.
• Running a 5K was one of our CF workouts this week, and I set a personal record!  My April 5K time was 38min+. This week, I ran it in 27:30. My class that day had some very strong runners in it, so they amped my competitive nature and I tried to keep up with them. When I realized they were shooting for 22-23min times UM.NO., I changed my goal to not be last. I wasn’t. And I smashed my April time. 🙂

Bad things about this week:

• weight gain + mental block
• eating my feelings

Many of you participating in the 8 Week Challenge are trying to lose weight.  I’m gaining weight, mostly on purpose. But my scale did a mindfuck on me this morning. It told me I weighed 140lbs instead of the +/-150 I’ve been hovering around for a few weeks.  It’s obviously gone nutso.  Ain’t no way.

When I started CrossFit in June, I weighed 140.

After three months of CrossFit, I now weigh 152.6.

Truth?  I saw that number and my brain asploded. I don’t like that number. Before anyone yells at me, let me be clear. I understand I have gained muscle.  I have biceps, triceps and shoulder definition.  I have 4 pairs of jeans that do not fit, thanks to my now-muscular (and quite-fabulous-I’ve-been-told) booty.  I have core strength for the first time in my life.  I am stronger and healthier than ever. This is good!!! I do not think I am ‘fat’.

However… the mental fuckery I’ve got going on over the number 152.6 is really annoying me.  Some gain is acceptable from this much hard work.  But how much is too much?  Is it even possible to gain TWELVE + pounds of muscle in three months?  Am I really gaining ONLY muscle?  I don’t feel like I am.  Secondly, I feel like I’m stuck in a backward mentality of, “oh, I’m doing CrossFit 5-6 days a week, so ice cream can be my diet cheat.”  And if I do manage to avoid the ice cream, I still shove everything else known to man in my face. Kinda like in Mayor Gia’s Willpower post. Go read and laugh your ass off. Her drawing of “I didn’t have ANY wine tonight.” is me, except wine=ice cream and I’m surrounded by dirty spoons and empty jars of almond butter and coconut butter.

Here’s what I think the risk is with Paleo: I am not an expert, but I think that you still have to moderate what you eat within the Paleo guidelines. You can’t go around eating cupfuls of almond butter and stuffing bananas in your face and not gain weight. Note to self: DUH, PEACH. And it’s portion control, too. Meats and veggies first. Supplement with fruit and nuts (but not too much!!!)  If you don’t moderate AND you cheat with ice cream, froyo, booze, cake, whatever… you’ll gain unneeded fat. Which I am. I’ve worked so hard in the gym. But I’ve not been honoring that work with my food choices. Nor do I feel that gaining any more weight is acceptable… not as my diet stands right now. I am putting my foot down, dammit.

This isn’t rocket science. I can do this. Keep working hard. Eat better.

I also need to get over a mental block I have about Paleo, but I need help.  I’ve read that you shouldn’t count calories when you follow Paleo.  Yet I can’t seem to quit using the MyFitnessPal app to track my food and exercise amounts! I started tracking calories/exercise in April, because I was routinely under-fueling in proportion to what I was burning.  I’ve kept with it ever since to make sure I’m not slipping.  Here, let me show you.

The NUMBER climb.

All over the place, aren’t I?

There it is – the steady weight gain.  And there is also the inconsistency in my diet (numbers do account for exercise).  I have very bad days on the high-calorie end. What the hell did I eat on 9/19?? Oh yeah. I took a friend out to a splurge-worthy dinner with mucho wine, and then polished off some Haagen Dazs Coconut Macaroon. Fuck you, Haagen Dazs. I have very bad days on the LOW-calorie end too, where I overcompensate for previous sins and barely net 1000 calories for the day. Neither is great.  Why is the 1800-2000 calorie/day mark such a tricky bitch to hit?!? 😦

So I’m torn.  Let’s take a vote.  Should I :

A: Stop using/obsessing over MyFitnessPal and stick with the Paleo guidelines and see what happens? 

B: Keep counting calories with MyFitnessPal, trying to consistently hit the 1800-2000 mark every day within Paleo guidelines?

C: Say screw it – ditch the app, eat right with my own common sense, and chuck my scale out the window?

What do you all think? I’m driving myself crazy, here…

Either way, it’s time to buckle down.***  For the rest of this challenge,

1. No more ice cream or froyo.  The frozen temptations are gone from my freezer. I ate them all. But I didn’t buy any more, either.
2. No more overloading on fruits, almond butter, almonds or coconut butter. In fact, I may try to eliminate them altogether.
3. Meat and veggies are the focus!

***I have a few days of vacation coming up, during which I will relax the Paleo/CrossFit mentality and enjoy myself. But I know me, too, and I know I’ll still *try* to be relatively good. But no promises. Where I’m going, I plan to indulge. 🙂

Pish Posh asked what we’ve all learned from ourselves and others this week:

I learned this week that back to basics is key, especially when life/personal shit derails you. Re-visit your dietary and exercise goals. Re-evaluate.  Adjust to improve your weaknesses.  And be kind to yourself.

Can’t wait to read the rest of the challenge posts for the week! This is week #6.  Only two left to go! We’ve got this.