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Day 14: A food blogger I am not.

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Juli B over at PaleOMG has been an invaluable resource to me as I’ve gone full stop Paleo these past few months.  Not only are her recipes tasty but her blogs are funny as hell. She makes you feel like you could be besties IRL, in a non-creepy-blog-stalker kind of way. ***Waves frantically*** HI, JULI!!!!

I decided to tackle a more in-depth recipe of hers this week because holy CRAP my grocery store finally had delicata squashes in stock! I know, I’m FAR too excited over a gourd. Foodnerdporn ahead. Sort of.  The whole point of this post is to show you how much I am NOT a food blogger. What I am is a lover of creamy alfredo-like sauces.

The recipe in question: Chicken Bacon Alfredo. 

NOTE: Juli herself did two blog posts on this meal because in her own words, “The bummer part of this recipe is that, well, it just pretty much always looks like dog doo.”  Whew. Okay, I’m off the hook for what you’re about to see. Because I say so.

First, Juli says “Cut spaghetti squash and delicata squash in half and use a spoon to scoop out the seeds and excess threads. Don’t be dainty.”

Here’s as far as I made it into STEP ONE before the spaghetti squash fought back. It ate my knife and wouldn’t give it back.

REALLY, SQUASH? Really.

If you’d been brave lucky enough to be in my kitchen at this point, you would have seen me lifting the knife by the hilt, with the squash firmly embedded… and hammering the knife-eating squash combo repeatedly on my cutting board with full force.  Which promptly rattled the countertop so hard it knocked over my bottle of water and I then had to mop up the mess. Okay, the destructor method wasn’t working.  After much swearing and wiggling of knife around the equator of the world’s most ornery gourd, I was here.

I WIN, SQUASH.

Whew. I needed a drink.

Luckily the delicata was much easier to cut through. And then I gutted those bad boys. Juli said not to be dainty. I wasn’t.

mmmmmsquashguts.

Hm. It was getting warm in my kitchen, what with the squash-wrestling, the Georgia temperatures in the mid 70s and an oven preheating to 425*. But I soldiered on and put the squashes on the baking sheets and the seasoned chicken tenders on another. In they went.

While they were cooking, I got the bright idea to make a batch of my typical veggie saute. So I got to chopping:

  • 1 large sweet potato
  • 1 red bell pepper
  • 1 onion
  • 1 large zucchini
  • 1 large yellow squash

No pictures of this, sorry – I only had 15-20 min to get it prepped and in the pan to get cooking. And now with both the stovetop and the oven going, I was sweating.

Then Juli said I needed to get another pan out to cook the bacon. Oh, hell. Are we gonna use every damn skillet that I own? And, I’M TOO HOT. So I changed into a tank top and shorts and put my hair up on top of my head. That’s better.

I slapped the bacon into the pan. Meaning, the WHOLE package of bacon. What? Juli said 4-6 slices. There were only 8 in the pack. Shaddap. There is no such thing as too much bacon.

Then the oven timers went off. The chicken was done.

5 minutes later, so were my little squash monsters.

rrrrrroasty

It was official.  There was entirely too much heat in my kitchen. I was dying. The veggies were sauteing and the bacon was sizzling away while the squashes were being all rrroasty on the counter.

OMG. How much longer until this is assembled?!?!!?

Did I mention I’m also f***ing HANGRY now?  It’s hot, I’m sweating, I’m starving, and an hour into this ordeal, I still have nothing assembled.  Jeez, I’d be an epic failure on Top Chef.

Finally, the bacon finished up and I removed it from the skillet but left the grease. In went the delicata flesh that I scooped out of the skins, along with the coconut milk and seasoning.  I loved how the delicata just moooshed up so easily into a sauce with the cream! Then it all came together quickly, but I was so starved I only remember being pissy.

I de-spaghetti’ed the other squash and when the sauce was heated through, I poured it over the squoodles. Added the chicken. Added some of my veggie saute. Mixed well. Topped with bacon.

EAT ALL OF THE FOOD.

But I did get one last picture before I let my hangry self dig in. You’re welcome.  And Juli was right. Yes, it does look like dog doo when photographed. But it tasted amazing. 🙂

PSA: Don’t cook hangry.

15 responses »

  1. I LOVE Juli, she cracks me up and her stories are the bomb! I spent my entire weekend making her food. Try the Barbacoa, it was freaking insane and in a crock pot and did not take a knife fight to eat! We ate it for four days straight. New man that I am trying to convert loved it.

    Reply
  2. ohmygosh this looks SO yum. Seriously, though. Did you eat all of those chicken breasts in one sitting? I am not here to judge, just wondering. Also, Peach? You are FARKING HILARIOUS!!!

    Reply
    • noooo, the chicken was evenly dispersed amongst the veggies. Although, I was tempted to inhale them all in the cooking process, I was so hangry!!! Love the word farking. Stealing. 😉 xo

      Reply
  3. You may not be a food blogger but you are far more entertaiing! I love it that you get all excited about gourds 😉 I love spaghetti squash but HATE cutting it. I’m surprised I still have any knives or fingers left. There must be a better way…

    Reply
    • Agreed! Although this recipe totaly makes me want to brave the gourds again! It looks so tasty!!!
      (And Canada is freezing, so I’m on a bent to seek more excuses to use our oven!)

      Reply
    • Good, it’s not just me!!! I swear, I was a caricature of myself trying to hack through the damn thing. Maybe I have shitty knives?!? Geez louise, that was a feat.

      Reply
  4. numero uno, it DID not look like any semblance of *ahem* (i dont like toilet humor/words).

    But srsly – it looks good! recipe me.

    also, ps, dont cook hungry next time. your grumpy was showing.

    Reply
  5. Great post! This reminds me of an incident where a good friend could not get a squash to yield. Unwilling to admit defeat, she went at it with…a saw. Thanks for the “don’t cook hungry” PSA. You may want to add one about blogging hungry. Also not advisable! Or so I’ve heard.

    Reply
  6. yum. and I feel your pain – I too have been the victim of knife-eating squashes. Squashii? Hmm. Looks like a delicious recipe but alas, I am a carbovore. I make a version of this recipe with risotto: bacon, squash, some peas, onion. To.Die.For. (And in the photos, it too looks pretty much like vomit. Which is fine because then? More for me!)

    Reply
  7. Pingback: Five Foto Friday: Foodie Edition « Fifty Shades of Peach

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