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Five Foto Friday #6 (or things nobody tells you about CrossFit)

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For today’s version of Five Foto Friday*, we shall explore the little nuggets of wisdom I’ve garnered as a CrossFit newbie.

You will sweat more than you ever believed possible. 

I know sweat. He and I get along just fine, considering my adoration of Bikram (sweaty) yoga. But this week I reached a new all-time high score of sweatiness. After a particularly brutal workout, I looked down at the ends of my braided pigtails. They were drenched. Curiosity got the best of me, so I reached up with both hands, grabbed and squeezed. Shaddap, male readers. Yep, sweat dripped through my hands as if I’d just gotten out of a swimming pool. I know, kind of gross and I probably lost my one blog follower for that. But it’s also kind of awesome. The downside is that you either do laundry every two days or go invest in more workout clothing.  What do you think I did? Duh.  I’ve also taken to using colorful bandanas as sweatbands. Love me some gangsta action!

You will look like a victim of barbell abuse.

While you learn the proper form of what is essentially Olympic weight lifting, you’re gonna get beat up. No way around it. Welcome to the fold.

See evidence here

Stop protruding collarbone abuse!

My shins have also sported some gnarly scrapes/bruising from deadlifts, along with rope burns from rope climbs. I also have some seriously Fifty Shades-esque whip-looking marks on my right arm/elbow from practicing speed rope Double Unders. Every time I missed getting the rope under my mid-air body twice, I was punished with a slicing reminder that I suck at this. The only pain comparable to it is that of the sting of a Brazilian. (seriously.) Those motherfuckers puffed up into angry welts.  Now I just look like I forgot to use a safe word.

Sore is a way of life.

You are asking your body to do things it has either NEVER done or hasn’t done since you were a child. (handstands, jump ropes?). You will hobble down stairs like an elderly person, screech in pain trying to get up/down from the toilet seat, and not be able to sleep on your stomach because even that is too much pressure on thighs that did 250 squats…two days ago.

Stretching, foam rollers, and Aleve are your friends. Get used to it. Keep going.

the trifecta

You will see results quickly!

Thanks to my brief big-box time with a trainer, I had a teeny tiny mosquito bite of bicep when I started CF. But now? Voila. Better definition, some tricep action and strong shoulders.  I should be thankful to the gods of burpees, but I still say that they are assholes the worst form of torture imaginable.

not-so-teeny lil’ nugget

Food is porn.

You don’t have to go all Paleo-fanatical like I did, but I promise you. Doing this much work, you’re hungry all the time and when you do satisfy the need, it is simply heaven.  Stuffing my face with good fuel never felt so good.

Sauteed veggies w/ chicken sausage + chicken/beef burgers + salad = GOODNESS.

New obsession: Veggies + 2 eggs + 4 egg whites Breakfast Scramble.

Some things will take more time than others.

Despite all this progress and positivity, if you think I’ll be wearing these underbutt-flab-showing, who-the-eff-can-wear-these?? Nike shorts… any time soon…you’re wrong. Nuh UH! They arrived. I tried them on. They were immediately stripped off and disgustedly shoved to the far back corner of my drawer. Maybe I’ll revisit them in a year. But that’s a big fucking maybe.

Because no one should be subjected to the underbutt. Unless your name is Gisele.

That’s it for this week!  Fittingly enough, I’m off for the weekend to be a spectator at a CF competition. I’ll try to Tweet/Instagram** some pics to keep y’all in on the buff/shirtless action. A girl should never drool alone.

Mmmmmm six-packs.

*6 photos this week. Whatever. One does not trifle with food porn.

**Artsy fartsy Instagram photos now available by 50Peach.

5 responses »

  1. You look amazing! At least the parts you show…

    I was totally going to mention 5 Foto Friday today but then I had 6 photos. And, now I see you did too. Missed opportunity….

    Have a fantastic weekend!

  2. hahahaha this post was one- hilarious and two- so so true!!!
    you look awesome!

  3. Pingback: step AWAY from the ice cream. « Fifty Shades of Peach

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