Me, but different.
In my other life, I chose the small private college with more academic clout. I studied relentlessly, survived the internships and residencies, and now work in a small veterinary practice. My days are filled with the joy and pain of healing the fuzziest of fuzzy. In my other life I did my father proud, completing numerous tours of duty and raising my family in the mentality of ‘Early is on time. On time is late. If you’re late…. Don’t be late.’. Strict discipline is backed by unmovable amounts of love. I am a formidable sight in uniform and my mind is challenged every day. My new family struggles with the required separations but I have my own childhood experiences to draw from. And I cherish the second my baby boys’ pudgy arms are around neck once again. History repeats. In my other life, I have published novels. My stories are rife with self-deprecating humor and underlying springs of emotion. Being allowed to create is what I thrive upon. There are no anxiety ulcers over loan payments or whether there will be enough in the bank to buy food. Here, I have found my happy. In my other life, I am an agent with an eye that misses no detail. I possess fear-inducing interrogation techniques and lethal aim with a standard issue. Bad guys don’t mess with me. In my other life, I sit proudly in the back row of a major orchestra. My art has been perfected by the years spent alone in soundproof practice rooms. It’s meant enduring the years of schooling, and swallowing the accumulated doctor/lawyer-amounts of loan debt, but winning THE audition matters more. I play because I love the art, not because every outside influence told me I should. In this life, I spend my working hours far from my original academic intent but enjoy financial stability. It is unsettling, the idea of starting anew, but I choke on the thought of maintaining status quo. I know which life I want as much as I know which lives are simply not possible. There should be no expiration date for reinvention. Maybe my ‘When I Grow Up’ is right around the corner. _________________________________________________