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This post won’t win any writing contests, fo sho, but I want to document for posterity’s sake my level of crazy at this very moment.  If nothing else, one day I will be able to marvel that the body my future self is cursing….did that… back in the day.

Yes, I went back to CrossFit.  Thankfully I wrote about it right afterward, because these workouts seem like a haze of sweaty agony at this point.  For this retelling I urge you to hang onto whatever is nailed down.

Gym#1, 2nd visit:
Warmup: Run 400m. Do 2 reps of 10 pushups, 15 lunge w/ twists, 10 back extensions.
back squats
shoulder press

The instructions were to do your HEAVIEST weight for each of these, hopefully within 3 tries.  And I do mean, find the weight that you are not physically capable of doing and try to do it anyway. (Safely, and with the correct form of course…) They call this “to failure”.  Which makes my super-ambitious and over-achieving brain implode. I do not fail intentionally at ANYTHING. EVER.  It was really really REALLY intimidating, but with much assistance and patience from the trainers, we found my starting weights for these three exercises were: 105lbs for back squats, 55lbs for shoulder press and 165 for the deadlift.  I may or may not have uttered the world’s longest f-bomb trying to push 65lbs up for the shoulder press… i could NOT get the damn bar past my nose!!! Arms shaking, pushing with all my might to get it higher and… nope.  Everyone laughed at my trucker mouth. 🙂

Next day, different gym. Hey, a girl’s got to shop around for the best deal!

GYM#2, 3rd CF day:

Run 800m.
Air squats

I get shown the proper form for air squats in front of everyone.  The owner calls attention to the fact that I have “those ridiculously long legs” to contend with, and he tells me to get my ass below my knees anyway.  (There are some amazingly gorgeous men present, which is only slightly embarrassing.)  I have done tens of thousands of squats, but I’ve never been forced to go that deep. Sorry to be gross, but it feels remarkably like assuming the position to take a shit in the woods.

“The Hill”

Hill? What hill?  Oh, that hill.  (raises one eyebrow at the very steep paved hill right behind the gym)  We’re told to walk to the bottom and sprint up it in groups of 6, FIVE TIMES.  Those long legs that were a pain for squats? I’m liking them now! But by the fifth one, I was dying winded and had a stitch under my right ribs.  OWWWWWW.  For the record, my heart rate was 185bpm. That’s 10bpm higher than any treadmill interval, elliptical course, or cardio class I’d done in the last 2 months.  And that was just in the warmup?!? This is NO JOKE.

My old gym looks completely different in my mind now.

kinda like this.

All of us, panting and sweating, went inside to start the REAL workout.  We’re told what the AMRAP was: (as many rounds as possible)

5 pullups (assisted)
10 box jumps (20″)
15 kettlebell swings (15#)
for 15 min.

Luckily I am not the only female who cannot do an unassisted pullup yet. Not even a little bit.  Instead, I stepped my foot into this giant 3″-wide rubber band hung from the bar, stepped down on it, then WHEE IT GOES BOING went to town!  We had to do as many cycles of those as possible in 15 minutes.  Doesn’t sound too hard, right?  Yeah.  It is. After the run and the sprints… and that there are no breaks allowed… do not stop, do not pass go, do not think, do not get water. Just do it.

So I did it. And I’m still alive.


Not gonna lie.  My body hurt like a sonofabitch after those 3 trial workouts.  But with good food and lots of water, plus hot baths and Advil, I recovered pretty quickly. And like a crazy girl, I’m ready for more.


I LOVED THE 2nd GYM, from the moment I walked in. Comparing the two, I felt far more welcomed and accepted in the latter.  The people were no-bullshit-types like myself, and helped the struggling rookie with insider tips (when to use chalk, how to keep track of reps, etc.) There were zero full-makeup, perfect hair, non-sweating divas present (at least so far). We ladies SWEAT. A few even stayed after to tell me about the vibe of this gym, why they like Crossfit, their results, social events they plan and do together, etc.  A trainer and the owner spent extra time with me too.  But more importantly, it just felt like a better fit.  Added bonus: Extremely built… extremely hot and sweaty… extremely shirtless men. *Yes, please.*

Gym #2, sign me up.

One response »

  1. I know this is a lot to ask, but do you think you can manage to get some pictures of said sweaty shirtless men to post and hold me over till Magic Mike opens? Thank you, thank you very much! 🙂

    You never cease to amaze me! I’m so glad I have you to live my exercise live vicariously through!


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